Learning To Love Networking

(Photo by ecstaticist)

Are you secretly shy but want to network to promote yourself and your business?

First, you are not alone. It is so natural to feel a bit of resistance when we make that first connection with a new person. It’s an animal instinct – you don’t know how they may respond, so there is a level of danger. Further, we’ve all had unpleasant experience with those slick “networkers” who work the room around handing out their business cards. Apparently, all they cared was their own business and you felt used. So you don’t want to be like them.

The good news is, networking doesn’t have to be that way. I have been making several new friends a week using the following three strategies. These strategies reduce my stress level when I approach new people, and let me build rapport that helps each other.

1. Have sincere interest in the person you are reaching out.

And know that people like being approached . . . by someone who really appreciate who he or she is. This means I do my homework before contacting the person. When I reach out to another blogger, I first spend time reading their blog – their home page, about page, their own top pick posts (many blogs have “Best of XXX” list in the sidebar), and several recent posts. While I am at this, I might leave comments or stumble upon the posts. Then I email the blogger how I like their blog, which part really touched my heart or which tips I found most useful.

Most of the time, the recipients get back to me so happily. Very often, we start working together quickly. For example, the guests of my Interview With Successful Entrepreneurs series are often recruited this way. Or we might talk about guest blog opportunities.

I find online connection is easier than offline because I can do this homework. It is also easier online to find people with similar interests. I search through Google and StumbleUpon for blogs about business and personal development. I also check comments on my own blog and on blogs I like. Additionally, there are blogs who regularly feature good blogs, such as NBOTW and the Quote of the Week.

When I physically meet people, the homework is sometimes difficult to do. I don’t usually know the people who will be there at the meeting I will be attending. So I just have to build it from the ground that we are attending the same meeting – with a certain interest in common. And I attempt the second strategy . . .

2. Have something to give.

This is mainly for myself, for me to feel more comfortable to approach a new person and to have a little reason to approach the person. If it’s online relationship, I might offer my e-workbook 7 Check Points For Aspiring Entrepreneurs for their review. The stumble (= new traffic) and comments I mentioned above are another example of mini gifts.

It reduces my stress level tremendously when I think more about what I can give rather than what I can get. And I don’t think it has to be a “stuff” that I give. I’d most appreciate if someone emails me with an idea to improve my blog. Or when someone quotes from my post and send me link love. Wouldn’t you?

When I attend meetings and seminars, I might bring in something to give (think of a box of donuts, for instance) if it seems appropriate and I seek something nice to say to the person I want to talk to. For example, I will talk to the person during the break and mention the great question she asked in the seminar. Or I compliment the unique ring the woman next to me is wearing or ask about the book someone is carrying.

And finally, here is a strategy to multiply your effort of networking. . .

3. Promote others.

Yep. Don’t just promote yourself, promote others. For two reasons. One, it’s the best gift you can give to the person you are helping to get ahead, and if that person is worth the attention, they will remember. They will do what they can do to help you. You are building a strong ally for yourself by promoting others. Two, you are helping the person in front of you, too, by giving solid reference, and they will appreciate you. (Needless to say, be sure your reference is excellent.)

And again, saying nice things about someone else is so much easier than promoting myself. I often wonder why it is so challenging to say I am a great coach! I know I do a wonderful job, and it is a work of love – it helps people to live better, so I am proud of my work, and yet . . . aaaaagh! My heart is starting to go faster with self-consciousness!! Whereas promoting the coaching service in general is not that difficult for me, and talking about the great blog I found is casual and fun. (Like, did I mention Cath Lawson’s Fab Quotes?)

We can’t afford not to network in life and in business.

Any business is about person to person connection at its core. The above three strategies make a good start in networking. It is not a way to get maximum number of names in the shortest time possible. It is about building strong meaningful relationships in a slow and steady way while feeling good about ourselves. It works for me, especially online. For offline networking, I still have a lot to try – I am checking what kind of meetings or seminars are good for networking, how to find them, how to physically approach people, and so on. I appreciate if you have any suggestions.

Related reading: Professional Networking: It’s Not Just Who You Know

More related reading especially about how to use comments for networking:
How I Made $2500 Online Simply By Leaving a Comment at Adversity University
Rethinking Blog Comments at Dosh Dosh

Professional Networking: It’s Not Just Who You Know

(Photo by Gail S)

What you know and do really matters. And who you know. And more.

Much has been said about the importance of networking in business, but I am yet to see a comprehensive account how each piece fits into the big picture. I also know, from experience, some challenges we face especially when connecting online, and would like to share my perspective.

Who knows you matters more than who you know.

The two are not the same. The most fundamental form of communication is the mutual two-way communication between two individuals who knows each other. I like the comfort and trust of this kind of communication. But things get more complicated in modern life. There are people I know but don’t know me. For example, I read a lot and learn from the writers, who don’t know me. It is a good learning experience for me, but in terms of my business development, they don’t help – how could they, they don’t know me. Conversely, there are people who know me but I don’t know, such as my silent readers. I’d love to make a good impression to them, firstly as basic manner, and secondly because there are so much they can do to help me, such as providing feedback, talking about my blog and business to their friends and possibly sending me referrals, or even becoming my clients themselves. So, who knows me matters far more than who I know when it comes to business development. And this leads to the second point. . .

Reaching out to who you know is the critical step.

This is the step that changes the one-way communication to the fundamental, often mutually beneficial two-way communication. It’s a critical and difficult step. It’s difficult because, while I know them in the one-way generalized communication, I don’t really know the person, so I’m not sure how to relate to them. In the two-way communication, we adjust the way we relate to the specific person we are communicating with based on our knowledge about them, but in the first contact, we don’t have much knowledge pool. Especially when the communication takes place online, I don’t even get the immediate feedback from their words and body language, so it is even more difficult. (After all, I don’t even know if the person is reading my email, or if my email is ending up in their spam box.) So I rely on the two basic rules of inter-personal communication: be myself and be courteous. Yet, it raises questions like. . .

Is it okay to ask for a favor in the first contact?

When we reach out, we usually have a reason. The reason why we are breaking out of our comfort zone and making this difficult first contact. But is is okay to ask right away?

I can’t speak for others, but for me, if it is a small favor I can do myself, asked in a civil way, I don’t mind it. We live in a fast paced society, and I am a pretty open person, so I don’t need a long prelude of friendship. For instance, if someone emails me asking for feedback about his or her new blog, I’d be happy to take a look and write back, and I’ve done this many times by now. I do want to know, however, who they are and how they know me. In other words, we do need to build a relationship first, even a quick one, before getting to the asking part.

For a bigger favor that involves others, such as referral and link love, I take more caution because if I recommend something or someone I don’t know well, I am undermining my own reputation. I once received an email from a complete stranger titled “link exchange request”. The email consisted of two sentences, saying she has put my blog on her blogroll so I should do the same for her. This is a wrong way of asking because she didn’t take even a minute to build relationship with me. I felt like I was used as a tool, like link providing vending machine. I still took the time to check out her blog, and wrote back I couldn’t do so because her blog didn’t have a contact info. But I have to say I really don’t like being TOLD what to do, unless I’m doing something harmful.

But really, online or off, I don’t mind doing some act of kindness even to a stranger, provided the situation is right. Again, other people may be more cautious or private. So I wouldn’t take it personally if I reach out to someone and don’t hear back. Maybe he is busy. Or maybe my way of relating to her was not her favorite way of being contacted. I feel a bit down, but I have one more thing to do to complete the cycle of network. . .

What can I do to help others connect?

There are people I know who do a great job. There are also people I know who may benefit from my friends’ work. However, they don’t know each other. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could help them connect with each other?

The real power of who you know is this indirect perk you get when you help others network.

To do this well, you need to make it a habit to think about possible match-making. You already know quite a few people who can make unique contribution for others. Some more examples I can offer are: I recently worked with a graphic designer for my business cards. Elaine at Designer Passport did a beautiful job at a reasonable fee. In addition to the business card design, she turned it to logo (see below), and customized the header of this website. (See Yes in orange?) Also, I know some excellent coaches. If you are an active woman who want to achieve the next level, like running a full marathon, or if you are going through divorce and can use extra help to stay put, let me know.

There are four kinds of relationships.

The first is “I know you, you know me” and this is the most fruitful mutual relationship. The objective of networking is to upgrade other three kinds of relationships to this mutual relationship.

1. For “I know you, you don’t know me” relationship, my action plan is to reach out in a courteous manner.
2. For “I don’t know you, you know me” relationship, my effort goes to make it easy for you to reach me out, such as providing contact info and encouraging you to contact me.
3. For “I don’t know you, you don’t know me” relationship, my hope is the people who knows you and me would take the trouble of connecting me to you. I can encourage them do this by making it clear who I’d like to know and showing gratitude for the things they do for me.

Once you establish a good relationship, it is important to maintain it well. Don’t be like the stupid salesperson who is super nice until you sign up and never returns your call afterwards. I will write more about this later.

How do you like networking? Did this article help you to be more active in networking?

Related post: Learning To Love Networking

Thanks to Alex for including this post in Personal Development Carnival, to E3 for inclusion in Carnival of Success Principles, to Joe for inclusion in Working at Home Carnival.