Our Addiction To Judgments And Problems

It’s been a week since I moved to a little gem of a town called Eugene, Oregon. The whole experience was, in a sense, more fundamentally moving than coming to the U.S. I’m in cultural shock. I’m humbled. I’m amazed. . . (Photo credit)

World migrant gets a surprise

Just to give you an idea, this is where I have lived in my life so far:

• Japan
• Sydney, Australia (1 year as a high school exchange student)
• Columbus, Ohio (10 years)
• Nashville, Tennessee (3 years)
• Portland, Oregon (2 years)

The last three are all in the United States, but crossing the Mason-Dixon Line was like crossing an invisible cultural border between the North and the South (it is still referred to as the Union and the Confederate in the South.) And west of the Rockies is quite another, too — I’m pretty sure the west coast states don’t consider themselves as part of the continental America. . . or as part of America at all.

So you would think, for a world migrant like Akemi, moving 100 miles to Eugene is a breeze. Some physical work to do, but emotionally, it’s no big deal, right?

Boy, no way.

The first shock came when I first visited this apartment complex. The leasing manager showed me a few open units. I noticed she just simply open the door without the key, and when we were done, she just closed the door. So I asked if she locked the open units at night and her answer was no.

You know, I’ve been working since I was six years old, and locking up the office and the storage unit was part of my responsibility. Coming to the US, I was told to be even more watchful against potential crimes. And here you are, meeting a middle-aged manager who seems to be quite conventional otherwise, never thinking twice of not locking the apartments. She swears nothing ever happened, even when she had leased furniture inside for corporate relocation.

. . . well, I signed up and now live in one of her townhouse. I still lock my door. . .

I asked for a quiet and peaceful place to live, and I got it

A little background of my moving. I liked where I was, but it was so noisy with the neighbors on both sides and downstairs. (I had an apartment on the top floor.) My intent was to live in a quiet peaceful place where I can rest and work well.

Gee, did I get that.

I now live in a townhouse. No one is above me or below me. It seems to have been built well that I hardly hear my next door neighbors, either.

But it’s not just the lack of someone else’s music and loud conversation. The quality of peacefulness here is beyond expectation.

I’m on a mid-hill on the southwest edge of Eugene. From my living room, I can see the mountains across the valley above the roofs of other houses. There are also some trees, and looking at their leaves quietly moving in the gentle breeze is so calming. Behind all these, the sky is big and close. I can spend the whole morning just looking at the trees, the mountains, and the sky.

Really, I can spend hours just being there. I don’t know how to describe it. I am left speechless. I feel as if I am blending into the whole environment. It’s better than bliss or happiness. In bliss, there is still me.

Driving around the new town

Eugene is such a small town that I can get anywhere in 15 minutes or so (although I live at the edge of town). No heavy traffic. And the directions are so simple. There are only a few roads I need to remember. This is such a relief for me because I’m not very good at finding directions. (By the way, the speed limit is 25 to 35 mph even on major roads. Around schools, it’s 20 mph all day, from 7 am to 5 pm. Why make haste, you know?)

Despite the small size, I find it easier to eat vegetarian (mostly vegan and raw) here. Well, not just vegetarian, how about organic, locally-grown vegetarian? There are some excellent grocery stores that carry stuffs I never saw in Portland. And there are quite a few vegetarian-friendly restaurants. I plan to go to the farmers’ market this weekend.

People are friendly here. I went to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicle) this morning. Usually, people at government agencies like this have bad attitude. Not here. The guy at the information desk is more friendly than any customer service person you met.

Honestly I get nervous a bit when I go to this kind of place. Not that I did something wrong, but because of past experiences, I sort of expect unpleasant encounter at these places. I was wrong. I was treated well, and it took less than half an hour. . .

So? Is there a problem?

Kind of. Did you notice what I said in the previous paragraph?

I was expecting problems. In reality, I didn’t get it. And I found myself seeking something else.

What something? Well, pretty much anything. Something I can be concerned about, to be mentally prepared for, something I can bounce in my head and “work” on.

This surprised me. I thought I’ve worked out my addiction to judgments and problems. I know many of us actually like having problems regardless of what we may say, and that is the very reason why we never run out of problems. We have a deep-rooted love and hate relationship with problems. We are addicted to judgments and we keep creating problems by our judgments.

But me? Am I still craving for problems? I am in a beautiful, peaceful new place and enjoying it, right? Or do I still have a tiny bit of discomfort with this level of peace?

This peace is almost numbing. It’s like losing myself. I know losing myself (my ego) is a good thing. But it’s just . . . different. Suddenly, there is hardly any problems out there, so now it’s either I completely accept this peace or I have to seek problems within me. Aaaaaaagh!

Creating our life and the world

We create our own life and the world. Some people describe this “The world is our own mirror.” Then I guess I must have done something good to create such a peaceful place to live for myself. The remaining drama-loving ego gotta go.

I’ll see how this works. And I really wonder why the rest of the world cannot be like this . . . there is no reason it cannot be. When we all wake up and be done with our own addiction to judgements and problems, this world will be transformed to a “heaven on earth.”

Are You The Only Spiritual Person You Know?

My dear readers, do you consider yourself spiritual? I guess so — you are reading a spirituality blog about “Lightworkers’ Empowerment & Ascension”. Now the second question: do you know other spiritual people at work, at your hobby circle, or as your relatives?

No? That must make you feel lonely. It’s hard to practice Divine Love when you don’t connect with your friends on a deep level.

In this article, I challenge you with your concept of a “spiritual” person because I think there is a stereotype of such spiritual seeker and this stereotype is isolating us. (photo credit)

Who is the holistic, New Age, spiritual person?

When I was starting my Akashic Record Reading service, I hired a marketing coach, who advised me to figure out my target clients. My actual clients don’t all have to fall into this target clients group, but it’s helpful to figure out the typical clients for the sake of effective marketing.

She told me my target clients are women in their thirties to fifties “who would read Oprah magazine.” Perhaps she practices yoga and eats Kashi whole-grain bars. The opposite of the guy who appears in the beer advertisement. I remember thinking, “But men, too, would be interested in my service and benefit from it a big time. I think about 30% of my clients will be men.”

Now I don’t have the exact numbers, but I think men constitute about 20 to 25% of my clients. In Spirit Guides Coaching, as many as 50% of my clients are men. As she said, not all of my clients fall into her target group — in fact many do not. . .

(By the way, this coach gave me many valuable advice and I’m so grateful to her. Her stereotype of the spiritual type was only a very minor thing and it was actually illuminating to hear her talk about this stereotype. If you are thinking of starting your own business, I highly recommend investing in a good marketing advice from someone who knows the kind of business you aspire to start.)

Profile of my clients

My clients — the people who order my soul reading — are very diverse. Demographically, they are women and men of all age groups. The youngest client who came to me on their own is 18 years old (I’ve done some readings for children under this age who were brought to me by their parents). Oldest? I don’t remember exactly, but I’ve done many readings for retired people. They come from all over the world. Because my website is English only at this time, many are from English speaking countries (US, Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand …) but there are many clients whose English is their second language.

Their professions vary big timing, too, including office workers, engineers, doctors, lawyers, CPAs, artists, owners of various size businesses, teachers, government workers, students, homemakers, etc.

Oh, and Christian ministers. I heard many Christian schools deny the idea of reincarnation, but the fact is quite a few Christians are accepting it. Organized religion is not about rigid dogma these days. There are also clients of other faiths and those who don’t consider themselves religious.

Some of my clients are healers, such as energy healers, chiropractors, doctors, nurses, counselors, etc. Some of them send me their clients for synergetic effects. I guess time is changing . . . just a few years ago, it would have been hard to imagine a M.D. sending their patients for soul reading . . .

Our own judgment against non-spiritual people

So perhaps a more appropriate question is: Who is NOT spiritual?

And I am immediately reminded of this quotation:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardi

So everyone is spiritual. The person next to you on the bus, your coworker, your golf buddy . . . they may not be aware of their spirituality yet, but that awareness can happen in a flash second. Or one life challenge such as loss of a loved one, their own health problem, deeply disturbing relationship issue, or one sleepless night wondering the meaning of life.

We are all spiritual. It’s our own judgment to consider someone is not.

Start talking about spirituality

So do yourself a favor. Don’t set yourself up in a silo. Don’t limit yourself in the narrow circle of “spiritual” seekers. Start talking about spirituality with the people around you.

How? Well, standing on the street and asking the passers-by “Do you believe in God?” may not be your style. Relax, and just talk about what is on your mind, or ask them what is on their mind lately. Relationship? Money? Concern about potential layoff? These, like everything in life, can be discussed to spiritual depth.

I just shamelessly linked to my posts on each of these topics. May I even suggest sharing these articles with your friends — that will open up the discussion.

The person you talk to may or may not open up right away. But remember you are doing this for yourself. You don’t want to be the only spiritual person you know. And really, you may be pleasantly surprised. My coaching clients often say something like, “Well, the other day, I was talking with this guy — I knew him for many years but never really connected deeply. Turns out he is a lot more spiritual than I thought he was . . .”

Any comments? Let’s talk ^_^

Review: The Year Of Yes By Maria Dahvana Headley

Here is a young woman who practiced the principle of Love and found Light.  Her honesty and sense of humor are brilliant, and it’s a great fun read to understand Love and Light in everyday terms. 

Unconditional love in the dating scene

The author, Maria Dahvana Headley, a college student in New York City, had a problem.  She didn’t have a date on Valentine’s Day.  Why is this so?  She is an attractive young woman.  “I was becoming convinced that I was going to be lonely for the rest of my life,” she writes.  So she decided to do one thing different for the coming year: she will date all men who ask her out.  (For the record, she does not have sex with all her dates . . . just with some of them ) 

It’s a little long, but let me quote her:

I decided that I would say YES to every man who asked me out on a date. I’d go out with all of them, at least once.  I’d stop pretending to be deaf when my taxi drivers tried to tell me I was cute. I’d stop pretending to be crazy when strange guys walked too close to me on the streets.  I’d turn toward them, and smile.  And if they wanted to go out with me, I’d say, “Sure.”

No more nos.

Well.  A couple of exceptions.  No one who was obviously violent, or too drunk or drugged out to walk.  No one who introduced himself by grabbing me.

 
Whew.  This is a big challenge.  And she follows through, starting with the maintenance guy of her apartment.  

“Plying my heart open”

This is her expression of the process.  Before this experiment, she was picky and critical.  Like most of us are.  But as she got to know so many people — old, young, rich, homeless, well-educated, new immigrants, a few women — she started to see people in a new way.  She connected with people, not just men but everyone including her neighbors, with sincere human interests and compassion.  

Spirituality teachers and texts talk about acceptance and compassion.  Many times, however, they then turn around and accuse the less conscious, less loving, or less of whatever.  (This ultimately leads to the idea of the big judgment day.) 

Maria presents a delightful contrast by developing unconditional acceptance and compassion through the seemingly humble or even low act of dating with all men.  Conventional thinking may label her slut.  I think she is a madonna with sexuality.   

As I wrote in the Love part of the Creating The New World series, unconditional love is the only love there is.  All conditions and judgments are BS.  

I first read this book when it came out as hardcover in 2006 and was so impressed.  Since I was (well, still am) single, I thought of doing the same.  I quickly found I just don’t have the guts nor the energy to do so.  So hat off to Maria.  I sincerely want to have her level of openness and love. 

Sexuality and spirituality

Can we awaken our spirituality through romantic / sexual love?  Or are sexuality and spirituality like oil and water, never can be mixed well?  

This has been a big question for me for many years.  I’ve been drawn to spiritual development, but part of me hesitated as I smelled the hypocrisy and cold judgmental attitude of the “spiritual” people.  

As you know, many spiritual traditions put down sexuality and sexual love.  There is a reason to this.  For men, sexual drive can be so strong to the point it is violent, which is of course no good.  For women, being attached to her lover and children can possibly hinder greater level of love.  

And, even though it is mostly hidden, there are also a few spiritual practices that encourage sexuality.  Tantric sex is one. (Don’t ask me what it is . . . I only know the term.  Lisa, the mommy mystic, wrote a great series of posts on second chakra and talks about this in her comments)  Also, in the ancient days, there were shamanic “festivals” that involved spontaneous coupling.  If sexuality is against spirituality, how can these things happen?  

Reading The Year Of Yes helped me understand this. 

Many paths to spiritual awareness

1. Complete abstinence

You can abstain from all sexual activities and devote yourself to bigger sense of love in your path to spirituality.  Because there are indeed some challenges in sexuality as I pointed out above, this is a valid approach.  However, it comes with a cost of suppressing our sexuality, the natural part in us.  

As Akashic Record Reader, I see so many energetic issues stemming from becoming or being a monk / nun.  This is just a very hard way to spirituality.  And may I remind you that Buddha was a married man before he started his spiritual development.  I don’t think Jesus was a virgin boy, either — Mary Magdalene was his wife. 

2. Embracing your sexuality

There are two ways within this path: You can heighten your spirituality either through your sexuality or despite your sexuality.  

Many try the latter, which involves difficult balancing act within yourself.  If you have negative feelings about sexuality, your sexuality would feel like a drag or block to spirituality.  And because sex takes two, if your interpersonal communication skill and personal boundaries are underdeveloped, sex would likely become a problem than blessing.  

Maria took the path directly through her sexuality.  Spiritual development wasn’t her objective in the beginning, but she ended up with spiritual light.  Again, this path takes guts.  She went through many embarrassments and disappointments.  When done well, however, this path marries sexuality and spirituality beautifully. . . I see such possibility.  

Her polyamorous approach ends in finding the one love of her life.  Quite an unexpected and lovely ending.  Reality is stranger than fiction and love is a miracle.