Honesty And Freedom

Honesty is one of the most admired qualities.  Most people say they want their life partners, children, friends, and if possible everyone to be honest.  Yet we also know it’s so damn hard to be honest.  

Why does honesty elude us like this?  How can we retain our honesty and integrity? 

Freedom as prereq of honesty

I don’t believe we are destined to be dishonest.  It’s far easier to be honest and say things as they are, rather than twisting the facts and then remembering how we twisted them so that our stories are consistent, often leading us to tell even more lies.  Dishonesty doesn’t feel good and undermines our sense of dignity.  

Yet we lie because most of us don’t realize we have the prerequisite of honesty: freedom.  Complete freedom to say what it is.  Freedom not to worry about the consequences of our honest expression.  

Say you find your employer is compromising the law.  Can you stand up and say honesty that you don’t agree with the practice?  You know you will lose your job if you do so.  Can you still be honest?  Remember Arthur Anderson?  Many otherwise good people compromised their honesty because they were afraid of their job security (and ended up losing their jobs anyway).

Or say you find your friend eating so unhealthy, she is overweight and risking health issues, can you simply express your concern, without any manipulation nor sugarcoating the facts?  Why not?  Because you are afraid of offending her feeling and losing her friendship?  Are you and your friend in friendship voluntarily or do you need her as friend?  

Freedom and autonomy

To feel free, most people need autonomy.  Financial, emotional, and mental autonomy.  

It’s extremely hard to be honest to your employer when your (and your family’s) livelihood is dependent on it.  I don’t object the system of employment at this time, but to usher in the New World based on Truth, it’s a good idea to cultivate our inner entrepreneur.  (Whew, this blog Yes to Me started as entrepreneurship blog, and although it may appear I meandered around into spirituality, I actually have consistency at the base!) Financial autonomy promotes honesty.  

Emotional autonomy means you own your feelings.  No one makes you happy or unhappy.  With or without friends, you are you.  Without this emotional autonomy, relationships of any kind become more about codependency rather than free association.  

Mental autonomy is the ability to think for yourself.  It involves questioning widely accepted social norms and opinions of “authorities”.  

To be completely clear, I’d like to note that autonomy is only a desired ground for freedom, not a necessity.  Because everyone is free on the spiritual level (more on this toward the end of this article) and no one is completely autonomous.  We are interdependent in this world and that is wonderful.  You can be honest while relying on a single source of income, while being emotionally supported by others, and while you are learning and building your own thoughts.  

Still autonomy is very helpful.  Without autonomy (in the conventional sense), we are like slaves.  For a slave to speak up honestly, it takes a degree of “dumbness”, to be ready to die or go on the street anytime as a consequence of his honesty.  And I put “  “ around dumbness because I think this kind of dumbness is good.  It may be based on spiritual belief that we are always supported by God regardless how things may look like.  

Teaching honesty to your children

Most parents want their children to be honest, yet they are unaware of the inherent dilemma they themselves need to resolve to let their children be honest.  Because children ARE dependent on parents.  Children don’t have autonomy, especially financial and emotional autonomy.  They are even dependent physically. 

So how can you let your child know they are free to express their thoughts and feelings honestly?  That they are loved no matter what?  And do you really mean it?  

As long as the parent’s mindset is like, “I want you to be honest, my child, but if you tell me you are the one who broke my favorite vase, I will be upset and won’t talk to you for the rest of the day.” (manipulation and lack of emotional autonomy), they are setting up their child to be dishonest, not honest.   And mandatory honesty is not true honesty.  

I know this is difficult.  Parents are humans, too, still in their development stage, with all kinds of shortcomings.  I just thought being aware of this dilemma may be helpful.  

Further, I think the key in this dilemma is to realize that your child is not your possession at all.  Your child came from the spiritual world to play the role of your child, just as you came to this world to play a certain role.  You are only serving them in their growth in this world.  (Some people call this, “Children are from God.”)  

Honesty to oneself before honesty to others

Honesty starts within.  Before we express ourselves honestly, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and feeling.  Really.  So often, we don’t examine our honest thoughts and feelings and prematurely adopt socially accepted ideas.  

For instance, many people have problem facing their desires, whether the desire is about luxury cars, sex, or the desire to quit the current cushy job to do something they really like to do.  If you resonate with this statement, you are actually better off than most.  People who have serious problem being honest to themselves are in denial.  They may get upset at people who honestly admits such desires and actively accuse them.  

Monogamy and honesty

It would be dishonest by omission if I skip the issue of fidelity in this article about honesty.  So here is my personal opinion. 

I quit subscribing to the idea of monogamy recently because I see inherent issue of honesty in it.  In monogamous relationship, each partner expects the other to be faithful.  This set expectation — lack of freedom — is ground for dishonesty.  If I meet another attractive man while in monogamous relationship, my choices are:

1. I lie to myself and decide I felt nothing to keep my self image of a “good” faithful person. 
2. I be honest with myself but choose to take no action, to stay faithful to my partner.
3.  I be honest with myself but lie to my partner to keep his dream of fidelity, leading myself to cheat. 
4. I be honest with myself and to my partner, leading to potential breakup.  

I may have no problem choosing #2, but I’m not sure if expecting my partner to always choose #2 is a healthy reasonable expectation. 
And I value honesty more than security and steadiness of relationship.  I’d rather have an honest lover than dishonest / confused one who makes love only to me.    

If I feel insecure when I hear him talk about other women (or men, for that matter), that is my issue, not his, not ours.  I own my feelings.  Same with differences in values and opinions.  He may have different opinions than mine, and that is fine with me.  I know that doesn’t undermine the worth of my opinion.  

I don’t want to lock up someone — anyone.  I don’t think I can justify doing so in the name of love.  And I don’t like to be locked up, either.

Does this mean I’m against monogamous relationship?  No.  If two individuals are happy together, that is wonderful — let’s celebrate!  It’s when such condition is enforced, either by manipulation or by social brain washing, that I have a  with.  (A common way of social brain washing is the promotion of soulmate.) 

Can you let your partner be who he or she is?  Can you let them express themselves freely?  Can you honestly say what is on your mind?    

You are free

In conclusion, I’d like you to realize you are already free.  Whether you have achieved financial, emotional, and mental autonomy or not, and whether you feel free or not, you are free.  It is yet another layer of illusion to believe you are not.  

Free will is the primary right and responsibility in this universe.  You can even choose not to feel free, to believe you are enslaved, and you are still accepted as you are.  Free will is such an essential part of life that God even allows us to go against the Light, to become darkworkers.   

I hope this deep sense of acceptance and freedom helps you build your life based on honesty and truth.  (Photo by victor nuno)

Creating The New World, Part 3 Truth

This is the third part of the Creating The New World series.  I know many people feel disempowered, overwhelmed, and confused in their lives and about the world.  We have given up so much of our own power.  But the truth is you do have the power to create.  

The time can’t be better because Light Ascension brings unusual opportunity to change.  So we are exploring the possibilities of how the New World can be built on Love, Light, Truth, Abundance, and Power. 

How can we know Truth?

Truth may seem ever so elusive.  There are so many conflicting opinions.  One idea that seemed to work ceases to be effective over time.  And there have been so many bad things like war and other killings done by the name of truth. 

What is Truth and how can we know Truth?

There are two approaches:

1. Seeking Truth in someone who knows better, either directly or through books, etc. 
2. Finding Truth directly from the Source within

Seeking Truth outside of ourselves

 This is what we usually do.  We are socially conditioned to think there are authorities who know better than we do and the the best thing we can do is to consult them.  As kids, we were sent to school, where teachers gave us various knowledge.  The knowledge was to be taken as true without much examination and contemplation.  When we had questions, we were told to ask someone or check the dictionary.  And we carry this attitude to our adulthood.  

Schools, seminars, books, websites . . . all these learning media are convenient and effective way to pass knowledge.  They certainly have their place in society.  However, we have been severely disempowered by overly relying on them.    

When was the last time you thought through your challenge before asking for help or checking some books / websites?  And after you gathered some knowledge, did you check if it resonates within you?

When we rely outside sources for truth, we disempower ourselves and become blind to the information we receive.  I mean, what if negative forces put in false truths in our collective consciousness?  Can we tell the fakes from truth?  Not likely when external resources are the only source of knowledge and when we are conditioned to take it as truth. 

Issue with different frames of reference

Outside resources have one more major problem: the “truth” is filtered through another person(s).  This is not a big deal in areas such as math and science, but in spirituality, it is a huge block.

Each person has a different frame of reference.  What I mean when I say “beautiful” is different from what you understand to be beautiful.  Language is a system of misunderstanding. 

The issue of different frame of reference is especially problematic in channelled information.  By channelling, I mean a medium receives energetic (non-verbal) messages and put them into words.  And each medium has a difference frame of reference.  The prophets of the Old Testament lived very differently from us and had notably different frame of reference.  Even the modern day mediums, each has a frame of reference which is somewhat different from yours. 

So every channelled message is more or less screwed.  Even when the medium all the good intentions.  

What are we to do to know the Truth?  Fortunately, there is a better way. . .

Finding Truth within ourselves

Each of us is capable of reaching to the Source of Truth.  We can find Truth by dropping judgments and unnecessary knowledge and by opening up to Truth.  

It’s still fine to do your learning through books or teachers — it can be helpful even.  But the priority is in yourself.  And for spiritual messages, you can receive them directly through your own intuition.  

This simple path of finding Truth within ourselves takes honesty and trust in ourselves.  

Truth, judgment, and honesty

When we talk about honesty, it’s usually about honesty to others.  “Don’t lie,” we’ve been repeatedly told.  Far more often than being asked how we really feel, I bet. 

Many people compromise honesty to oneself in their effort to be “kind” or “right”.  We are afraid of being rejected so we try to behave in a nice kind way that we believe to be in accord to the socio-cultural values.  Insisting to be right is based on the same fear of rejection, and it directly utilizes the judgments we are conditioned to hold on to.  

For instance, say you are married to a loving, caring, and supportive person.  You love him (or her) very much.  One evening, he wants sex — you don’t.  So your honest response is “No.”   But how many people can say the simple no?  Not “No, I have a headache tonight.”, just simple “No, I love you, but I don’t want it now.”  

So you oblige to your partner’s need.  You are being kind to your partner and being a good spouse, at the expense of being honest to your truth.  Do this enough times, you start losing your true sense of sexuality.  You may pass the judgment test of “being a good spouse”, but you forget your truth.  

Now the flip side.  You sense your spouse is not really enjoying sex.  You feel like you are pushing it to her.  So you start suppressing your sexual desires — you withhold yes to yourself.  This is another way of not being honest to your truth.  

Of course, it’s not just about sex.  How many times have you suppressed free expression of your feeling, thoughts. . . your truth?  (And yeah, expression doesn’t mean acting out, like stealing what you want from the storefront.)  

To create the New World based on Truth, we need to let go of our long-cherished judgments and our need to be “nice “ and “right”.  You are already loved, so you don’t need to conform to the social idea of what is acceptable and desirable.  You don’t even need to be right — truth can manifest in various ways. (More on this later in this article) 

What kind of judgment are you holding onto at this time?  Does holding onto it help you to be honest with yourself?  Further, does that judgment / value system help you to be in Love and see Truth?

Truth and religion

I guess I can’t ignore the topic of religion when I talk about Truth.  First let me acknowledge I respect Jesus, Buddha, Lao-Tsu, and many more spiritual teachers.  I also know many people in the organized religious institutions are genuinely good people. 

It’s when a religion starts to claim monopoly of truth, or sole access to God, when I see a problem.  As I pointed out, relying on outside sources for truth disempowers us.  And I don’t think God created us to be slaves — we are God ourselves.  So when someone claims he or his organization has better (or only) access to truth, I see the opposite being true.  

Let me explain using Christianity as example.  When you read the Gospels, it’s clear that Jesus presented himself as a child of God.  (It’s a short easy read to cover the four Gospels so I encourage you even if you are not Christian.  Don’t worry about the footnotes, just read the four Gospels like you read a novel.  It only takes a few hours.)  Nowhere he says he is the ONLY child of God.  That part was made up later by someone else.  Jesus even said others can do the same things he did, and some more.  

So when we talk about Christianity, we are actually talking about two faiths: the original teaching of Jesus and the teachings that later convoluted the original and stole its name.  I see no problem with the first — it’s a beautiful expression of many aspects of Truth.  Regarding the latter — did I say there has been false truth mixed in our collective consciousness by darkworkers?  

Truth and authority

It’s not just religion.  Until we get to the New World, we need to be watchful for authorities and be careful not to mix up authority and truth. 

We tend to think, “Dr. XX is the authority of XXXX so whatever he says must be true.”  The funny thing is many of us tend to trust him whether it’s about XXXX or not.  And in either case, the Truth is he could be wrong.  He being an authority doesn’t make what he says to be true.  

Seeing Truth takes seeing people, things, and events just as they are.  With no regard to their job title, social status, financial status, police record, credit record, past performance, etc.  These can be indications of who a person is, but ultimately has nothing to do with his truth.  

If a high level priest molesters a young boy, he is a sex predator.  His being a religious authority doesn’t change this truth.  And if you see a well-dressed man shoplifting a candy, that is so — don’t second guess your vision.  On the other hand, a felon may have a piece of Truth worth listening to.  

Truth, trust, and vulnerability

 
When we let go of the internalized value systems and judgments, more Light becomes available, and we start to see Truth.  Truth is so simple and obvious most of the time.  The challenge is not about finding Truth, it’s about trusting the Truth you find.  

Trusting your truth is indeed a big challenge when you intuitively and directly find Truth because Truth doesn’t always come with all the why’s and how’s.  Truth often presents itself just as is. 

Trusting Truth means you are willing to be vulnerable in this still judgment-filled world.  Like a very small child.  

Let’s go back to our example of the loving couple having sex problem.  Can you say “Yes” or “No” freely if you were in their place, with no excuse, no manipulative expectation to your partner’s response, no attachments to your relationship’s outcome?  Yeah, this is what I mean you need to be willing to be vulnerable if you are to embrace your Truth. 

I, nor anyone, can guarantee you’d be accepted when you tell your truth.  It’s your truth, trust it, embrace it, and jump in to the reality with it.  

It’s easy to put up armors of protection around us using the power of logics.  If you’ve been hurt or lost something / someone valuable to you (and who hasn’t?), you may feel you need to protect yourself this way rather than being vulnerable.  

And logics are like plasters — it sticks to everywhere.  You can give reasons to all your actions, emotions, and thoughts.  You can justify yourself.  And by setting up the protection around yourself, you distance yourself from Truth, and also possibly from your very loved ones. 

Truth is not always pretty.  It doesn’t always impress people with its beauty and grandiose.  Truth is . . . truth. 

False belief systems

Writing about all kinds of false belief systems is outside the scope of this article, but I want to point out some of the major false belief systems that often hinder us see Truth.

1. Belief in scarcity and limitation
I already wrote about this a few times such as this post on spiritual money, and I will write more in the next post of this Creating The New World series on Abundance.  The short of it is scarcity and limitation are illusions.   Darkworkers have made plenty of false truths and fear out of this illusion and have planted them in the collective consciousness.  Now quite many lightworkers blindly buy into them.  But Truth is not about voting.  Scarcity and limitation are nonetheless illusions.

2. Monic belief
Closely related to the scarcity and limitation belief is the monic belief, that there is only one ultimate truth and all others are false.  This belief is very destructive because it de-values everything else but the one of choice.  

For instance, many of us are taught that there is one true love that lasts for the rest of your life — and all other relationships are fakes or no good.  So until you find such one love, your love life is worthless, maybe you are worthless yourself.  OMG the truth is all love is good.

Other examples: One ultimate passion, or purpose of life.  One true name of God — this belief has killed scary many people through the history.  And how about one true psychic that is real and all others are fraud. (This one makes me laugh.  Do you seek out one true dentist and believe all others are no good?) 

3. Dualistic belief
Me saying no to you doesn’t mean one of us is right and the other is wrong.  However, dualistic belief of “right vs wrong” “good vs bad” makes it seem that way.  Truth is there can be multiple manifestations of Truth and all may be good.  

Further, what seems to be the opposite may not even that.  For instance, darkness is not the substance that is opposite to light; darkness is the lack of light.  So efforts to eliminate darkness is pointless . . . there is nothing to be eliminated.  We can only increase light and let it shine through everywhere.  

Our second childhood

All this may sound so much, so here is an antidote: It all boils down to being like a small child!  

A very small child, before they are conditioned to lie for themselves (who wants to be punished for telling the truth?), are naturally honest.  They so daringly trust themselves — it’s pretty much a given, in a sense, because all they know is their truth.  They are vulnerable. (Fortunately, most make their way through.)  They are likely to know God whether they can explain it in words or not.  Many just naturally play with spirits.  

Living our Truth, then, is becoming like a child while we are in our adult body, with grownup knowledge and experiences.  It’s more about unlearning than learning.  Our New World is a playground for us, enjoying our second childhood.  

How to bring in the New World

The action plan for bringing in the New World based on Truth is short and sweet because it’s more about letting go and returning to our childhood. 

1. Yes, whenever you notice, let go of the conventional values and judgments.  If you feel dangerously vulnerable, you are doing great!  

2. I wrote about forgiveness in Love part of this Creating The New World series, but I’ll repeat myself.  Past hang-ups can hinder you see Truth, so forgive for yourself.  

3. If you have a small child, you are in luck.  Learn from them.  Spend time playing and communicating with them.  (Communication goes beyond verbal communication.)  If you don’t have one, can you borrow one?

4. When you want to learn from external sources, go to the original source whenever possible.  For example, read the Bible, not books written by preachers.  This minimizes the negative effect of deviation, whether it was intentional or not. 

5. Pay attention to how you feel when you learn certain “truth”.  Does it resonate with you?  If not, is it possible that it is screwed somehow?  Does a truth that doesn’t resonate with you valuable to you? 

6. Develop your intuition and learn to trust your Truth.

7. Speak your Truth and live your Truth.  Dare to say simple things like: Yes, No, Sorry, I just noticed something new (some truth changes) !, I love you / this. 

Do you have other suggestions to be more in alignment with Truth?  Please let me know in the comments.  Thank you.   (Photo by carf)

Follow up post:  Honesty And Freedom  This is a follow up on this post about Truth.  Enjoy.