What If Everything That Happens To You Is Good?

I guess the common sentiment we have about life is, “Well, there are good things and bad things that happen in life. We can’t help it. Just enjoy the good and lie low when bad things happen.”

So we are grateful when we receive “good” things like loving relationships, friends and family, foods on the table and the roof over the head, the money that gets these good things, the job — the income source, health, long life, and so on.

And we don’t like “bad” things like loneliness, relationship problems, hunger, poverty, job loss, obesity, illness, disability, aging, and death. We don’t even like thinking about them, and when it happens, we are upset, confused, resentful, and wish they go away ASAP.

This is just natural, right?

The challenge of the hypothesis

My spirit guides challenged me a few weeks ago (the week before my moving, to be exact) with the question, “What if everything that happens to you is good?” I immediately knew this is right, but it took me a while to put it into reason.

“Like EVERYTHING?” You may be thinking. “What is good about a psycho boyfriend / girlfriend, or hopeless poverty, or painful disease?”

Well, yes. They are good because they are great learning opportunities. You didn’t bring it up to reality if they were no good. (Remember you are creating your own life and the world?)

Now when I say “learning opportunities”, there are mainly two things we can learn. One is the life lessons and associated lessons. We don’t have to learn them the hard way, but many of us do choose so. We have discussed this into detail already on this Yes to Me blog.

Another is the crooked thinking patterns we have. These “bad” things are like an alarm going off, “There is something kinked up in you, please take a look!” Alarm is annoying but not bad.

Let me put it this way. God sends us love, love, and more love. Unconditionally. They are all good. But some gifts are a bit different. God may be sending you a bit of herbal medicine or a gift card to chiropractor because God noticed there is something about you that needs care, even if you may not have noticed. And you complain that the medicine tastes bad or you are too busy to go to the chiropractor.

Now I got tested about this hypothesis right away. . .

What is a traffic ticket trying to say?

On my first moving day (I spent two days moving, first doing the move in, then doing the move out with movers carrying my furniture), I was driving on a freeway and just casually tried to change my lane. I guess I wasn’t looking well enough. The car on the fast lane horned, I got back to my lane, and . . . well, the police car was right behind me.

Few things are more embarrassing and annoying than getting a traffic ticket. And seeing an angry cop’s face in the rear-view mirror.

So what is good about this? I need to learn how to drive safe? Well, maybe that’s included, but that’s not all.

After I was released, I was talking to myself. I actually talked aloud in my car because I wanted to see how this worked:

Akemi 1: So what is good about this traffic ticket? This just sucks.

Akemi 2: Well, let’s see. Why do you think it’s bad?

Akemi 1: Because I hate cops.

Akemi 2: He wasn’t too bad. I’d say he treated me quite fairly — he didn’t yell or do something intimidating. He was just doing his job, and even if you don’t like him, so what? It’s not like you have to marry him.

Akemi 1: This is going to be on my driving record. (And on my Akashic Records, too!) And I have to pay the fine.

Akemi 2: Yes, it will take up some of my time, depending on what you want to do with it. We can go to the court or we can just pay it.

Akemi 1: I hate paying the fine! And it’s not just the fine, the auto insurance premium will go up, too, you know.

Akemi 2: Yes, but we can pay.

Akemi 1: I . . . I’m afraid. It will cost a lot. Insurance is expensive.

At this point, I stopped and thought. So aside from the emotional unpleasantness (which is only temporary), what’s really bothering me is the financial concern? Really?

Our hidden fear and why we hold onto it

Now I know that, when we have fear, it’s because we are holding onto it. Most fears are temporary — like, you may get serious fear if another car comes too close to you, but that goes away pretty quickly. And we are holding onto the fear because we are afraid of something else that may come if we let go of the first fear. So in this crooked logic, holding onto the first fear feels safer.

Akemi 2: Are you afraid of becoming poor? But it’s not likely we become poor with one traffic ticket. What is the real issue? Am I getting something by holding onto this fear of poverty?

Akemi 1: . . .

Akemi 2: Does being concerned about money make you feel safe? What’s going to happen if I release this fear of poverty?

The answer that came out of my own mouth surprised me.

Akemi 1: . . . I might become wildly rich.

Gee. Really. But it seems true. Fear of wealth is far bigger than fear of poverty. I wasn’t aware of this before.

Opportunity to examine your fear

Fear of wealth or fear of success is a tricky one. We use lack of money or opportunity as an excuse of not living a great life. I think many of us are secretly afraid of living a full happy life even when we say the complete opposite. It involves a huge responsibility to oneself (to God) to live that way.

Are you doing something similar to what I was doing? Are you afraid of releasing your crazy partner (or afraid of getting out of the pattern of having relationship with crazy partners, therefore switching from one crazy one to another) because without them, you are faced with yourself, and you have no distraction nor excuse not to express your great self and live your life purposefully?

Are you holding onto your health problem and your fear of recovering to great health because, without the health problem, you have little to complain and commiserate, and you are afraid of losing people’s attention? And because you are afraid you may have a miraculous healing power science hasn’t uncovered yet? And again, without the disease, you have no excuse not to live a great life?

I guess I may be upsetting some people especially with the last one. I’m not a doctor and I don’t claim to know your health condition nor your possibility to recover. I do have a feeling many people cling to their condition as an excuse. One of my Spirit Guides Coaching client was this way. Her spirit guides was urging to let go of certain things, but she was absolutely against it. Just to be sure, I asked her about her medical diagnosis, and all she could say was something that happened more than 20 years ago. She was taking full advantage of her (past) health problem and was nowhere near releasing it, even though she insisted the opposite.

So what really happens if everything that happens to you is good?

Then you just have to accept this universe is absolutely benevolent and loving. There is just no way you don’t live as an empowered free soul, expressing your gifts and strengths, and living a full life of love and joy. No point about complaining, fighting, accusing, or even “working on the problem” — we can just go straight to the point and live our life fully.

My feeling is that, in the past, our awareness was not clear enough to see this so we perceived certain things as “bad” based on superficial consequences. However, we are growing up to see the bigger picture.

When our awareness really grows, everything starts to look really good, even without thinking, “Okay, this may be a learning opportunity. . .” We get to be grateful for everything there is. We get to see everything as the divine gifts that they are. That, my friends, is the entrance to the heaven on Earth. (Photo credit)

Success Secrets And The Catch

Success secrets – where are they?

Most people think their problem is they don’t know the secret to success.  Whether that success may be about making money, losing weight, or something else, most people are in this thinking habit.  “Those successful people knew something I don’t know.”  Gee, it’s so unfair.

So you do one of the two things:  One, you look for that secret formula.  You look and look everywhere and spend the majority of your energy in looking.  If you are reading this article, or if you are a fan of any other personal development blog, you may be this type.

The second reaction is you just stay where you are sulking – maybe someday you will be lucky enough to bump into that secret.  This doesn’t sound like Yes to Me reader, but you probably know someone like this.

And to both types the answer is: No.  That is NOT your problem.  Your aim is off the target. The real problem is something else.

You already know success secrets

If you really don’t have the basic understanding about the things you want to achieve, there is a point in learning that.  For example, if you want to be in healthy weight, you need to know the basics of nutrition – what carbohydrate, protein, and fat are and what they do in your body.  This knowledge leads to healthy eating plan that you can implement in your life.

However, I highly doubt if this is the case with you – if you are reading this blog, you already know the basics of personal development.  You know what you are supposed to do to achieve your goal of success.  In fact, you probably know a lot of the secrets of success, far beyond the basics.

For example, I just guest posted at Pick The Brain about how you can reinvent yourself by cleaning and decluttering your immediate physical environment.  The article shows a practical 21 day program of how to reinvent yourself outside in.  I tried this action plan myself and had great results.  Now my secret of success (at least one of them) is open to the public – anyone in the world can read it at Pick The Brain anytime.

But have you tried them?

All the tasks in the program are easy to do if you are in normal health.  They include opening the windows (literally), lightening your baggage (again, literally), dumping junks and making rooms for the new  (literally, in your bathroom, bedroom, work area, entrance and living area).

Now do you want to bet how many people would actually complete the 21 day program?  Or even start the program?

Or how about adding healing quality to your everyday drinking water by saying gratitude?  It’s very easy to do, and the potential benefit is huge.  Have you done it?  I did.  And got at least one positive result, as I shared in that article.  But so far I have heard from only two people who are doing this water gratitude practice.  I’m assuming most other readers just read it and haven’t tried it yet.

If you think these success tips are a bit too spiritual, how about Get Clients Now! Program for marketing?  It’s a 28 day program and I think it works great for those of you who have service oriented business.  You need to get the book, but books are so cheap compared to hiring a marketing coach.  And this book, written by an experienced marketing coach, makes it really easy to come up with a customized action plan.  Have you done it?

Or any other success tips, like the Law of Attraction or time management principles, that you read in the book or blog – have you tried it in your life?

How your ego resists the change you want

Let me guess why you don’t implement the action that you think might bring positive changes to your life:

1.    You want reassurance before you do it. You want guarantee it works.  You don’t want to try something until it is 100% guaranteed to work — with theoretical scientific explanation, plenty of case studies, recommendations from authorities, etc.   You are afraid of making mistakes in choosing your options. This excuse work especially well with spiritual development advice.

2.    You have other important things to do. You are busy.  You can’t be bothered to do new things, like saying “thank you” to the water.  Even though that takes only two seconds.  This excuse may go back to excuse #1 that you are too busy to do something that is not proven.

3.    You are afraid of doing it badly and failing it. That would be so embarrassing.  It’s hard to apply this to simple action plan like my 21 day of cleaning up your life, but it’s still possible.  Plus, if you are going to fail after spending your time and energy, what is the point of trying it at all?

4.    You actually love the situation you are in. You don’t want to change really, you just say you want it because that makes you look smart.  Maybe once in awhile, you try something half-heartedly to prove you did something, but again, in all it’s honesty, you really don’t want to change. In short, you are afraid of success.

Now let’s examine each excuse:

1.    What in life is 100% guaranteed? The method that worked perfectly for someone may not work for you. You are different, and your situation is different, the timing is different. So no one ever can give you 100% guarantee for anything.  Therefore, this excuse works always.

I’d like to think you are sincere in your desire to achieve success, however.  You are not using this excuse just to get away from it. You are using this excuse because you are afraid and you want assurance.

What it is is that your ego, who is used to the status quo, is resisting the change. So it spits out this “rational” doubt that prevents you from taking action.

2.    So what is really important? To keep up with your busy life or to progress in achieving your goals?  Do you realize that, when you do achieve your success, your life will change significantly, and many of the things that are important to you now may not be as important?

This is just another excuse your ego use to fight against potential changes and try to stay in the status quo. You may hate your busy yet boring life, but . . . you know it so well, and familiarity may feel comfy.

3.    If you are going to worry too much about what others might think of you, you are going to have a really boring life. When you fail, there will always be people who point it out to your attention, as if you may not know it already, and they will also remember it for the rest of their life and remind you occasionally.  They are also not happy when you succeed by the way.  When you succeed, they will criticize you for any shortcomings they can possibly find.

These are their egos trying to keep you at your current status quo so that they don’t have to feel pressured to change their status quo.  You need to learn how to identify these manipulation techniques.  Don’t let your own ego resonate with theirs.

Regarding your own feeling about failure – this is often said, but really, there is no failure.  It is a learning experience.  If you fail, figure out how and why you failed, and try again.  Life is a process when we view it from the soul level.  And if you think you are too busy for trial and error learning experiences, well – go back to #2.

4.   This is exactly your ego talking. You are really smart and honest if you dug out this excuse from the depth of your awareness.  Usually, the ego utilizes cover-up tactics like #1, 2 or 3, but here, it’s talking straight. Yes, your ego is afraid of the changes, even the positive changes.

Because success comes with responsibilities.  Once you achieve your ideal weight, you need to maintain it.  Moreover, you no longer can use overweight as the excuse of not having a relationship.  Your status has changed, and that comes with new level of awareness and responsibilities.  Isn’t it easier to just whine how hard it is to lose weight?

I’d like to trust you have the courage to get over this ego’s resistance.  This may take hitting the bottom really hard to realize you really want to succeed.

What is the antidote?

Make it simple.  You can take action even when your ego is screaming its protest.  Get up and open the window.  Go to the fridge, pour some water to the glass, and say thank you.  Each takes less than a minute, and you have the strength to ignore your ego for a minute.

Try and see how you feel.  Once you get used to taking small actions despite the fact you feel your ego’s resistance, you can step up and try taking more ambitious actions.

I know this is harder than it sounds.  The ego is stubborn and sneaky.  It will come back to you again and again to claim its old position.  I’ve dealt with my own ego, and I continue to do so, so I know.  I can say, however, the dealing gets easier as I gain insight and experience about how the ego works.

So what is the catch with success secrets?

Finding success secrets is not that hard.  We live in the information age.  The catch is that, for most of us, the Self who desires success and the ego that likes the lukewarm status quo are split and at conflict against each other.

So you need to learn how to proceed for your highest purpose even when you feel the ego’s resistance.  And this can only be done by implementing what you think may be the success secret.  You don’t learn this by contemplating about the ego, the life purpose, etc.

Now go do something that you think may even remotely improve your life. Cheers ^_^  (Photo by Mike Pedroncelli)