Are You Afraid To Express Yourself In Business?

(Photo by venkane)

I call it the I Factor. I as in I Am.

In Professional Networking: It’s Not Just Who You Know, I wrote about how various networking efforts work toward the big goal of bringing people to the “I know you, you know me” relationship, which is the most fruitful of all relationships. Once you get to this relationship that allows mutual communication, you want to deepen the relationship and maintain it well. Pay attention to each word — “I know you” means I care to know who you are. “You know me” means I will let you know me who I really am.

Abandon the idea that you can somehow trick others to believe you (and your products / services) to be someone you are not. Such trick won’t work, not in the long run, and not worth the effort anyway. Nor the pretence of a smiley face will substitute genuine caring for the people you are dealing with. So here is something we know deep inside yet seldom discussed in business workshops. . .

Self-Love is the basis of marketing, and business in general.

If you are not comfortable with yourself, people will sense it. They will know consciously or subconsciously, and your relationship, both business and personal, will be affected accordingly. And this is far more than just words. I know plenty of people who say they have a high self-esteem and, at the same time, are so afraid of expressing themselves. They say something like, “Oh, I’ll do it when I get a degree / lose 5 pounds / or (fill in the blank).” I’d say we, each one of us, get comfortable with ourselves right now. With all the imperfections.

When we love ourselves as we are, we can extend our caring to others.

Simple. And yes, I know how challenging this is. When and how did loving ourselves and others get so difficult?

Let’s go back in our time and think, for a moment, how we felt about ourselves and others as a baby. Did we love ourselves and others then? I am thinking about my friend’s little boy. He seems to know love. He looks happy when he is held by his mother, when he sees toys, or when – most of the time. He is a happy baby who smiles at everyone. Sure, he cries, too – really badly when he is hungry, wet, or plain bored. But he doesn’t seem to carry grudge. He doesn’t get upset like, “Well, you are not feeding me quickly enough. You are not a good parent. I don’t like you.” Instead, he simply gets happy when he gets fed. Is this because he doesn’t remember his hunger he went through a few minutes ago? No, he is capable of remembering his mother, or even me. He just knows love, and doesn’t know non-love. Because he only knows love, he probably doesn’t know he knows love. I guess this is how we were initially, no matter how our parents and circumstances were. We knew love, including self-love. So what happened since? In my case, I had no clue about love by the time I entered adolescence, and I was also strongly questioning if I was worthy of love . . .

Worthy of love? Do I need to clear certain requirements to be worthy of love?

Maybe even to get the love from myself? This appears to be the mainstream thinking. When I was getting divorced, my counselor emphasized the importance of self-respect, and asked me to write down the qualities I liked about myself. You know, like the fact I have a college degree, I can speak two languages, or that I had a good paying job. Or, in terms of appearance, I was supposed to write things such as I like my dark straight hair, cute smile, and so on. And add my kind nature. Have I reached the point of loveliness yet?

I now think this was quite a ridiculous exercise. It only reinforced my judgment system. Judgments like having higher education is better than not having one, more money is better than less, straight hair is better than curly. . . So if I qualify for the better, I deserve self-respect, and if I have less of those, I am no good? Sounds to me that if I am in the “respect” group, I’d live in fear of losing that status, and if I am in the lower group, I’d live in anxiety. This is the opposite of love!

This is why I no longer use the word self-respect and say self-love instead.

Words like self-respect and self-esteem make me nervous. They imply I somehow have to qualify for respect. The truth is we all deserve respect. However, the word “respect” is often used in a more discriminating manner in our society. So I prefer self-love. Here, I am as I am, and I love myself! I don’t have to do or have anything. I love myself, period.

When we are comfortable with ourselves, we are empowered. People like self-assured, naturally caring person. So it gets so much easier to connect with others, and the connection can get to much deeper level. When this happens in business, it is marketing beyond the superficial marketing tactics and strategies.

When you express yourself and connect with your customers at deeper level, your business becomes indispensable.

Express who you are and who you aspire to be, your dreams and values, and people who identify with you will seek you out. Maki at DoshDosh just wrote an outstanding post titled It’s Not Just Words: The Importance of Empowering Your Audience. In this article, he discusses the power of connecting with your audience (customers) by sharing common dreams. When people see you as someone close to their heart, and feel you share their dream and they can achieve their dream “with and through you”, you (and your business) become special. Let me quote:

This is the ultimate form of marketing. Why? Because when you become so deeply associated with a vision, you move beyond selling. You have become an essential component of your audience’s lives.

(Maki always writes well – which is amazing – but this post is by far the most insightful, explaining the power of words and the superpower of your being behind the words. And yes, your being needs to be effectively expressed for good marketing.)
Marketing tools such as wording and images and strategies such as networking and campaign are best used to enhance this process of becoming part of your customers’ lives.

The I Factor of putting yourself in front of others is possible only when you first love yourself.

After all, how do you empower your customers when you are not empowered? As I wrote in 5 Qualities I See In Successful Entrepreneurs, I consider self-love and compassion are critical for business success. So please open your heart to yourself and others. (Oh, in case you are wondering what my dream may be. . . I want to help you learn the mindset of successful entrepreneurs so that you can make the leap with confidence. I believe in more holistic approach to entrepreneurship. This also means helping you unlearn conventional thinking and realize that the source of your true power and wisdom is within you.)

How are you expressing yourself in your business? What dreams are your clients trying to achieve with and through you?

Thank you to Brad for including this post in Carnival of Sales & Management Success, to Aaron for inclusion in Doing It Differently Carnival.

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