Yes to Me

(Photo by Gail S)

What you know and do really matters. And who you know. And more.

Much has been said about the importance of networking in business, but I am yet to see a comprehensive account how each piece fits into the big picture. I also know, from experience, some challenges we face especially when connecting online, and would like to share my perspective.

Who knows you matters more than who you know.

The two are not the same. The most fundamental form of communication is the mutual two-way communication between two individuals who knows each other. I like the comfort and trust of this kind of communication. But things get more complicated in modern life. There are people I know but don’t know me. For example, I read a lot and learn from the writers, who don’t know me. It is a good learning experience for me, but in terms of my business development, they don’t help – how could they, they don’t know me. Conversely, there are people who know me but I don’t know, such as my silent readers. I’d love to make a good impression to them, firstly as basic manner, and secondly because there are so much they can do to help me, such as providing feedback, talking about my blog and business to their friends and possibly sending me referrals, or even becoming my clients themselves. So, who knows me matters far more than who I know when it comes to business development. And this leads to the second point. . .

Reaching out to who you know is the critical step.

This is the step that changes the one-way communication to the fundamental, often mutually beneficial two-way communication. It’s a critical and difficult step. It’s difficult because, while I know them in the one-way generalized communication, I don’t really know the person, so I’m not sure how to relate to them. In the two-way communication, we adjust the way we relate to the specific person we are communicating with based on our knowledge about them, but in the first contact, we don’t have much knowledge pool. Especially when the communication takes place online, I don’t even get the immediate feedback from their words and body language, so it is even more difficult. (After all, I don’t even know if the person is reading my email, or if my email is ending up in their spam box.) So I rely on the two basic rules of inter-personal communication: be myself and be courteous. Yet, it raises questions like. . .

Is it okay to ask for a favor in the first contact?

When we reach out, we usually have a reason. The reason why we are breaking out of our comfort zone and making this difficult first contact. But is is okay to ask right away?

I can’t speak for others, but for me, if it is a small favor I can do myself, asked in a civil way, I don’t mind it. We live in a fast paced society, and I am a pretty open person, so I don’t need a long prelude of friendship. For instance, if someone emails me asking for feedback about his or her new blog, I’d be happy to take a look and write back, and I’ve done this many times by now. I do want to know, however, who they are and how they know me. In other words, we do need to build a relationship first, even a quick one, before getting to the asking part.

For a bigger favor that involves others, such as referral and link love, I take more caution because if I recommend something or someone I don’t know well, I am undermining my own reputation. I once received an email from a complete stranger titled “link exchange request”. The email consisted of two sentences, saying she has put my blog on her blogroll so I should do the same for her. This is a wrong way of asking because she didn’t take even a minute to build relationship with me. I felt like I was used as a tool, like link providing vending machine. I still took the time to check out her blog, and wrote back I couldn’t do so because her blog didn’t have a contact info. But I have to say I really don’t like being TOLD what to do, unless I’m doing something harmful.

(A word about contact info. I know the problems of receiving spams, but I still think it is a publishers’ responsibility to provide readers with a way of contacting them. Email address, or link, or contact form. All the bloggers in my Resources page do this, and let me add that these are all good bloggers who offer quality contents. I have exchanged emails or phone calls with most of them and so know them to some extent.)

But really, online or off, I don’t mind doing some act of kindness even to a stranger, provided the situation is right. Again, other people may be more cautious or private. So I wouldn’t take it personally if I reach out to someone and don’t hear back. Maybe he is busy. Or maybe my way of relating to her was not her favorite way of being contacted. I feel a bit down, but I have one more thing to do to complete the cycle of network. . .

What can I do to help others connect?

There are people I know who do a great job. There are also people I know who may benefit from my friends’ work. However, they don’t know each other. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could help them connect with each other?

For example, Andrea at Empowered Soul did an extraordinary work for me with her intuitive reading. Until quite recently, I thought psychics were weirdos who charge big money for chit-chatting that amounts to nothing, but she was so clear and grounded in explaining her work that I was happy to give it a try. And I am glad I did. She not only told me what my challenges were, but also gave me homework (!), a solution I can do on my own to improve my situation from spiritual aspect. Now if I get to know someone who may benefit from her service, but may have the kind of idea about spiritual work like I did before, I’d be honored to refer them to her! By doing so, I make them both happy, and when they are happy, they are more likely to do me a favor when I need a sidekick.

The real power of who you know is this indirect perk you get when you help others network.

To do this well, you need to make it a habit to think about possible match-making. You already know quite a few people who can make unique contribution for others. Some more examples I can offer are: I recently worked with a graphic designer for my business cards. Elaine at Designer Passport did a beautiful job at a reasonable fee. In addition to the business card design, she turned it to logo (see below), and customized the header of this website. (See Yes in orange?) Also, I know some excellent coaches. If you are an active woman who want to achieve the next level, like running a full marathon, or if you are going through divorce and can use extra help to stay put, let me know.

There are four kinds of relationships.

The first is “I know you, you know me” and this is the most fruitful mutual relationship. The objective of networking is to upgrade other three kinds of relationships to this mutual relationship.

1. For “I know you, you don’t know me” relationship, my action plan is to reach out in a courteous manner.
2. For “I don’t know you, you know me” relationship, my effort goes to make it easy for you to reach me out, such as providing contact info and encouraging you to contact me.
3. For “I don’t know you, you don’t know me” relationship, my hope is the people who knows you and me would take the trouble of connecting me to you. I can encourage them do this by making it clear who I’d like to know and showing gratitude for the things they do for me.

Once you establish a good relationship, it is important to maintain it well. Don’t be like the stupid salesperson who is super nice until you sign up and never returns your call afterwards. I will write more about this later.

How do you like networking? Did this article help you to be more active in networking?

Thanks to Alex for including this post in Personal Development Carnival, to E3 for inclusion in Carnival of Success Principles, to Joe for inclusion in Working at Home Carnival.

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